I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
