who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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