her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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