I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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