Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
