and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We smell like vodka and hangover
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
