Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I FOUND THE LEGS
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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