Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
