Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
