I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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