And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
