nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
