Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
