I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
