I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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