Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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