My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
