And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
