Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
