Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
