Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
