Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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