she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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