I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
