if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize