Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
