Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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