So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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