So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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