my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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