NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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