my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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