So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
