you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
