I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize