D3 body, D1 cock
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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