I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
