found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
