are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
