my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
