When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
this hospital has no fireball
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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