her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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