Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
