My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i drank out of a bidet.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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