college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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