I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize