I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
