Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
