lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
