No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
