Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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