im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
