She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
