1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
