peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
