Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
