i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
