shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Pants are for mortals
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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