Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
