in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
