he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
