so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
