I showed him my bush... on skype.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
