Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
