can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
