Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
