who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
