I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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