oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
