So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
