i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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