You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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