it was like his penis was on wheels.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
