That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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